Love. A word so simple, yet carrying a depth that many of us spend a lifetime trying to understand and waiting to experience.
I`ve always believed in love stories—the kind that ended in a beautiful marriage filled with joy, partnership and unwavering commitment. Even now, despite the realities of modern dating, shifting societal norms and the complexities of relationships, I still do. I want to get married. And not just to anyone, but to the right person. Someone I can respect, love deeply and most importantly, someone I can submit to in a God-honoring way.
But waiting for that kind of love? It’s hard. Frustrating, even.
Why I Choose to Wait
In a world where settling is often encouraged, where timelines, societal expectations and biological clocks scream at you to “just pick someone already,” choosing to wait for the right partner feels like swimming against the current.
There have been moments when I’ve questioned myself:
- Am I being too picky?
- Am I too idealistic?
- Am I simply asking for too much?
But deep down, I know my desire isn’t unrealistic. It’s not just about having a wedding; it’s about building a God-honoring, joyful and deeply fulfilling marriage. A marriage where respect, love and partnership flourish.
And for me, a crucial part of that is submission—not the distorted version that implies weakness or inferiority, but the biblical design where two people walk in unity, each honoring and uplifting the other (Ephesians 5:22-29).
The Pressure to Settle Rather Than Continue Waiting
In less than three months I`ll be turning 29, the pressure is mounting.
Colleagues remind me often: “You need to marry early.” “Time is running out.” “You’re almost 30, what are you waiting for?”
Society, too, has its timeline. In many cultures, particularly in African communities, a woman approaching 30 is expected to be married, settled and well into motherhood. And if she isn’t? The whispers begin. The questions become louder. The “suggestions” from well-meaning relatives become more persistent.
Even science chimes in. Fertility declines with age, doctors say. And for me, after undergoing a myomectomy last year, the reality is even more sobering. Fibroids could return. And I’ve been encouraged to have kids sooner rather than later if I want to avoid complications.
I won’t lie. It scares me.
- What if I wait too long?
- What if I don’t find the right partner in time?
- What if my faith in God’s timing means missing out on the chance to be a mother?
The weight of these thoughts is overwhelming at times.
Trusting God vs. Taking Matters into My Own Hands in Waiting
I’ve watched women take different paths when faced with the same crossroads.
Some chose to settle for convenience, thinking they could grow into love. Many ended up in marriages that drained them, where respect was absent and where they carried the weight of a one-sided partnership.
Others, like Sarah Jakes Roberts, defied the pressure. In her book “Don’t Settle for Safe,” she writes about how easy it is to compromise on God’s best out of fear, but how choosing faith over fear leads to a life far greater than we imagine.
In Don’t Settle for Less, Sarah Jakes Roberts speaks directly to women who feel pressured to shrink their dreams, compromise on love or accept less than what they deserve. She shares her deeply personal journey—one marked by early heartbreak, unexpected motherhood and the internal battles of self-worth. Through raw honesty and biblical wisdom, Sarah unveils the subtle ways in which fear, societal expectations and self-doubt can push women into settling—whether in relationships, career or their personal walk with God.
One of the book’s central themes is the lie that many women believe: “Maybe I’m asking for too much.” Sarah dismantles this mindset, reminding readers that God’s best is never found in rushed decisions, desperation or fear of being alone. She encourages women to embrace patience, trust God’s timing and understand that true love should never require them to diminish who they are.
How it resonates…
This resonates deeply with my journey of waiting for the right partner. Like Sarah, I’ve wrestled with questions: Are my standards too high? Am I waiting for something that may never come? Society, culture and even well-meaning friends and colleagues often push the idea that waiting is risky, that time is running out, and that love is something to “secure” before it’s too late. Sarah challenges this pressure, emphasizing that settling often leads to heartbreak and unfulfilling partnerships.
Her words reinforce what I’ve come to believe: Waiting is not a passive act but an active choice to prepare, grow and become the person who can fully embrace a God-ordained relationship. She reminds women that singleness is not a waiting room for marriage but a season of purpose and refinement.
Reading Don’t Settle for Less affirms that it’s okay to hold out for a relationship rooted in respect, love and faith. It’s a call to trust that when God’s timing aligns, the right love will not require compromising one’s values, faith or worth.
Then there are women like Rebecca Lynn Pope, a relationship coach who once accepted a proposal just to meet expectations—only to later walk away because it wasn’t what her soul needed.
Their stories remind me of something Pastor Michael Todd said in “Relationship Goals”:
“The worst thing isn’t being single; it’s being married to the wrong person.”
I don’t want to marry just because it’s “time”. I don’t want to choose someone out of fear of missing out. I want to choose God’s best—in His timing.
The Hardest Part of Waiting
Waiting is hard because it feels uncertain. It’s easier to have faith when you know the timeline. But when the wait stretches longer than you expected, doubt creeps in.
- Did I miss my opportunity?
- Should I have said yes to that one person who seemed “good enough”?
- Will I regret waiting?
But here’s what I’m learning: Waiting is not about passively doing nothing. It’s about actively preparing for the life I want.
💡 "Faith without works is dead." (James 2:26)
I am not just waiting. I am growing. I am becoming the kind of woman who will be ready when the right man arrives.
If you’re waiting too—whether for marriage, a child, a career breakthrough or a long-held dream—I want to remind you of this:
💡 "For everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
- Your waiting is not in vain.
- God is not slow in keeping His promises. (2 Peter 3:9a)
- The right time will come, and when it does, you will know.
The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward [c]us, (2 Peter 3:9a)
So here I am. Still waiting. Still believing.
I don’t know when my future husband will come. I don’t know how the journey will unfold. But I do know this: When it happens, I will be ready.
To those who understand this journey, I ask: What are you waiting for? And how are you dealing with the pressure? Let’s talk in the comments.
Takeaways:
✅ Waiting is not about wasting time; it’s about preparation.
✅ Settling is easier in the short term, but costly in the long run.
✅ God’s best is always worth the wait.
✅ Trusting God means choosing faith over fear.
To anyone feeling the weight of expectations, know this: You are not alone, and your waiting is not in vain.
The Weight of Submission
Submission is one of the most misunderstood concepts in relationships. It’s often seen as weakness, blind obedience or the loss of personal identity. But true submission is none of those things. It is a willing act of trust, rooted in love, respect and mutual understanding.
I believe in Ephesians 5:22-29, where a wife is called to submit to her husband, but only as he submits to Christ. This passage doesn’t call women to follow their husbands blindly; it calls for leadership that is loving, wise, and protective.
But herein lies the challenge—how do you submit to someone who isn’t leading?
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might [g]sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
I once heard a story of a couple that completely shifted my perspective on submission. The wife, a strong-willed, ambitious woman, had been raised to be independent. She had a thriving career, made decisions for herself and had never needed to “ask” anyone for permission.
When she got married, she struggled with submission. Not because she didn’t love her husband, but because she feared losing herself. Her husband, a godly and intentional man, never demanded submission from her. Instead, he led by example—through prayer, through wisdom and by ensuring that every decision he made considered her well-being.
One day, they faced a major financial decision that she didn’t fully agree with. Instead of pushing her way through, she decided to trust him. She prayed about it, communicated her concerns and ultimately chose to follow his lead.
Months later, it turned out to be the best decision they could have made. Not because he was right and she was wrong, but because their marriage was built on trust, not competition. She didn’t feel like she had lost herself—she felt safe in his leadership.
Why Submission Is Hard Today
In today’s world, submission in marriage is harder than ever. Why?
- A Lack of Trustworthy Leadership – Many women struggle to submit because they don’t see men leading with wisdom, integrity, or spiritual depth. It’s difficult to submit to someone whose decisions don’t inspire confidence.
- A Shift in Gender Roles – Women today are educated, independent and financially stable. The old definition of submission—where the man makes all the decisions and the woman follows—is outdated. Today, submission is a partnership, not dictatorship.
- Past Wounds & Broken Homes – Many women have seen submission abused. They’ve watched their mothers, aunts or sisters submit to men who controlled, manipulated or mistreated them. The fear of repeating that cycle makes submission feel risky.
What I Long For
I don’t desire submission out of obligation—I desire it out of trust. I long for a husband I can follow without fear. A man whose decisions I won’t second-guess because I see his wisdom, his relationship with God and his ability to lead with love.
I have met amazing men—some kind, some ambitious, some faith-driven. But not all leadership is the same. I don’t want to fight for control in my home; I want to rest in the assurance that I am safe under his leadership.
True submission is not about losing my voice—it’s about choosing to trust the right one.
The Frustration of the Wait
I won’t lie—waiting is hard. It’s not the kind of hard that comes with deadlines or exams, where at least you know when the struggle will end. No, this is the kind of hard that lingers, that tests your patience, your faith and your sense of self-worth.
It gets lonely. It gets discouraging. And sometimes, it feels like God is silent.
The Questions That Haunt the Waiting
I’ve had moments—late at night, scrolling through engagement posts, watching yet another friend celebrate an anniversary—where the questions creep in:
- Are my standards too high?
- Am I being unrealistic?
- What if I’m meant to walk this journey alone?
- Should I just compromise a little?
It’s in those moments that the weight of waiting feels unbearable. It’s not just about being single—it’s about the uncertainty. The not knowing when or if it will happen.
I’ve had days when I’ve thought, Maybe I should settle. Maybe I should just say yes to the next person who comes along and figure it out later. After all, isn’t that what people do?
But every time I lean into prayer and reflection, a quiet, unwavering truth settles in my heart:
💡 "God does not withhold good things from His children." (Psalm 84:11)
The Story That Changed My Perspective
A woman once shared a story that shifted how I saw waiting. She had been single well into her 40s and had experienced the same doubts, the same whispers of “Maybe God forgot about me”. But one day, she met a man who was everything she had prayed for and more.
Not long after their wedding, she sat down with a friend who had rushed into marriage in her early 20s and was now miserable, stuck in a relationship that drained her instead of growing her.
And that’s when she realized—the wait wasn’t a punishment. It was protection.
She hadn’t been waiting because God was denying her love. She had been waiting because God was preparing the right love. A love that didn’t require shrinking herself, settling for less, or carrying the burden of a one-sided relationship.
What I’ve Learned in the Waiting
The wait is not about enduring time—it’s about becoming the person God wants me to be while He prepares the right relationship. Here’s what I remind myself:
✅ Waiting is not wasted time. It’s a chance to grow, to build, to heal.
✅ God’s silence is not His absence. He is working, even when I don’t see it.
✅ Love is not a race. Rushing into the wrong relationship will never be as fulfilling as waiting for the right one.
Holding On to Faith in the Wait
I won’t pretend it’s easy. Some days, I feel strong in my waiting. Other days, I feel weary. But I choose to believe that if God has placed this desire in my heart, then He is more than capable of fulfilling it.
I choose to believe that love—the right love—is worth the wait.
Lessons I’ve Learned in the Waiting
1. Being Single Is Not a Curse
Growing up, I often heard whispers—some subtle, some not—that a woman’s life isn’t truly complete until she has a ring on her finger. Society sells singleness as a temporary inconvenience, something to “fix” as soon as possible. But over time, I’ve learned that this season is not a waiting room for life to begin—this is life.
Singleness is a time for growth, healing, and self-discovery. I’ve been using this time to strengthen my faith, explore my passions and develop the qualities I want to bring into a relationship. I’ve also come to realize that being single doesn’t mean being alone. Friendships, purpose and community are just as fulfilling, and no relationship should be my sole source of happiness.
I now see this season as a gift—a time to become the kind of woman who not only attracts the right man but is also prepared to love in a way that is healthy, whole and Christ-centered.
2. God’s Timing Is Perfect
I used to compare my timeline to others. Seeing friends get engaged or married, I would wonder, God, have you forgotten me? But I’ve come to understand that waiting isn’t wasted time. It’s preparation. It’s refining. It’s God’s way of aligning my heart with His best for me.
I remember a time when I thought I had found “the one”—only to realize I was holding onto something that wasn’t mine to keep. It hurt, but looking back, I see God’s protection. If I had forced that relationship to work, I would have settled for something far less than what God intended for me.
I’ve learned that love is not a race. My journey is unique, and just because my love story doesn’t unfold as quickly as someone else’s doesn’t mean I’m behind. It means I’m being positioned for something that aligns with God’s perfect plan.
3. Submission Starts with God
I used to think of submission solely in the context of marriage—something a wife does for her husband. But I now understand that true submission starts long before marriage; it starts with God.
If I can’t submit to God’s wisdom, His timing and His ways now, how will I submit to the leadership of a man in marriage? Learning to trust God’s process—especially when it doesn’t make sense—has taught me to surrender control and trust that His plans are better than mine.
It’s not about losing my independence; it’s about learning to lean on God, even when I feel strong enough to do things my way. The more I learn to yield to His will now, the more prepared I’ll be to navigate the dynamics of love, leadership and partnership in marriage.
4. I Would Rather Wait Than Settle
The older I get, the clearer this truth becomes: A rushed relationship will never be as fulfilling as one that is God-ordained.
I’ve seen what happens when people settle—when loneliness convinces them that “good enough” is better than waiting for God’s best. I’ve seen marriages that lack respect, leadership and genuine love, and I refuse to let impatience lead me into something that will break me instead of build me.
Yes, waiting is hard. There are days when I feel the weight of it. But I remind myself that temporary loneliness is far better than a lifetime of regret. I want a love that is not just good enough but divinely orchestrated.
Temporary loneliness is far better than a lifetime of regret
So, I choose to wait—not passively, but actively. I’ll keep building my life, chasing my dreams, and trusting God to align my path with the right person at the right time. Because when it happens, I want to know, without a doubt, that I didn’t settle—I waited well.
Waiting isn’t just about holding out for the right person—it’s about becoming the right person. It’s about trusting God’s plan, growing in faith and refusing to let societal pressures dictate the timeline of my love story.
So, to anyone in this season of waiting, I see you. I feel you. And I encourage you: Don’t waste this season longing for what’s next. Use it to become everything God is calling you to be.
Holding On to Hope: Trusting God in the Waiting
So here I am—still waiting. Still believing. Less than three months from turning 29, and if I’m honest, this birthday feels different. It’s not just about age; it’s about the questions that whisper in the silence of waiting.
I’ve always desired to be a wife and mother, to build a family rooted in faith, love and partnership. But after my myomectomy surgery at end of last year, the waiting carries an added layer of urgency. Doctors say fibroids could return, and I’ve been encouraged to have kids sooner rather than later. It’s unsettling, knowing that time may not be on my side.
And yet, here I am, choosing to trust God in the waiting.
Some days, waiting is peaceful—a deep sense of knowing that God is working behind the scenes. Other days, it’s frustrating beyond words, like standing in a long queue without knowing how much further to go. But through it all, I hold on to this truth:
💡 "God is not slow in keeping His promises, as some understand slowness. Instead, He is patient with you..." (2 Peter 3:9a)
The Tug-of-War Between Faith and Fear
There’s a part of me that wonders, What if I wait too long? What if I miss my window?
Because the world tells us that waiting is a gamble, that we should be proactive, that maybe if you want something, you should just make it happen.
I remember a conversation with an older woman I admire. She got married in her mid-30s after years of waiting. She told me, “I almost settled so many times. I almost convinced myself that ‘good enough’ was enough. But in the end, I chose to trust God’s plan, and now I know—rushing would have cost me more than waiting ever did.”
Her words hit me hard. Because the temptation to compromise is real. Society tells us to lower our standards, to choose practicality over faith, to believe that what we want is too much. But I refuse to believe that.
Why Waiting Feels So Hard
It’s one thing to wait when you know the exact date something will happen. But this kind of waiting—the kind where you don’t know when or if—is excruciating.
And it’s not just about marriage. We all have something we’re waiting for.
- The person believing for a promotion but stuck in the same position for years.
- The entrepreneur pouring into their business, waiting for it to take off.
- The couple longing for a baby, wondering if it will ever happen.
Waiting is hard because it requires trust—and trust is not always easy when the timeline is unclear.
💡 "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)
The Tension Between Faith and Science
One of the hardest things for me has been navigating the tension between my faith and medical reality. Science tells me that fertility declines with age. It tells me that the fibroids could return, that waiting too long might make things complicated.
But faith tells me God’s timing is perfect. That Sarah had a child in old age (Genesis 21:2). That Hannah prayed for years before Samuel was born (1 Samuel 1:27). That God opens and closes wombs in His divine timing.
I don’t have all the answers. But I do know this—I don’t want fear to be the reason I make a decision.
The Story That Changed My Perspective
I recently rewatched Sarah Jakes Roberts’ sermon “Girl, Get Up”, and one thing she said stuck with me:
“Your waiting season is not punishment, it’s preparation.”
She talked about how she got pregnant at 14, got married young, divorced young, and spent years trying to figure out who she was. And yet, in the waiting, God was building her into the woman she was meant to be—a wife, a mother, a powerhouse of faith.
That’s what I hold on to. The waiting is not a waste. It’s shaping me for what’s to come.
The Role of Surrender in the Waiting
One of the biggest lessons I’m learning is that waiting is not just about time—it’s about surrender.
I’ve had to surrender:
✅ My timeline—because God’s plan is always better than mine.
✅ My fears—because I refuse to let anxiety dictate my decisions.
✅ My need for control—because I am not the author of my story; God is.
And surrender isn’t easy. It’s a daily decision to say, “God, I trust You even when I don’t understand.”
💡 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
To Anyone Else Who is Waiting…
If you’re in a season of waiting—whether for love, career growth, healing or clarity—I want you to know this:
You are not alone.
Your waiting is not in vain.
And God has not forgotten you.
I may not know what my journey will look like. I don’t know if I’ll meet him this year, next year, or five years from now. But what I do know is this—when the right man arrives, I will know. And when I do, I will be ready.
Final Thoughts: A Question for You
Are you also in a season of waiting? Whether it’s for a partner, a breakthrough or a new chapter? How do you deal with the frustration?
Key Takeaways:
📌 Waiting is not about enduring time—it’s about becoming the person God wants you to be.
📌 God’s silence is not His absence—He is working, even when we don’t see it.
📌 Fear should never be the reason you rush into something—faith is always worth the wait.
📌 The right love, the right opportunity, the right moment—it will come, and you will know.
Resources…
The Relationship Goals Series from Transformation Church
This series is jam packed with encouragement through the word to approach marriage God`s way…
The `Girl Get Up` sermon by Sarah Jakes Robert
Sarah Jakes Roberts passion for women come out so strongly in the sermon…